Ladies, your real life Edward Cullen has arrived. And he’s ready to breed!
Stargazers nationwide are making special plans to see the rare total solar eclipse over Oregon. For one Craigslist poster, those plans include conceiving the “next level of human evolution.”
An ad recently popped up in the “Activity Partners” section of the San Francisco Bay Area, and the title gets straight to the point, reading:
“Wanted woman who wants to conceive child during totality eclipse in OR”…
However, not to be too easy, the poster notes that the arrangement depends on the chemistry, as he has certain standards for the potential carrier of his eclipse child.
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The 40-year-old European man is looking for “a worthy female with strong genes, beauty and smarts” who is into astrology, nitrous oxide, and cats.
As for the poster, he claims to be quite the specimen himself! The eclipse enthusiast touts himself as:
“40 years of age, caucasian male from Europe. My heritage is strong and pure. My looks, instincts, knowledge and strength is 100% pure and 100% lethal.”
Oh, so this dude’s actually a vampire. Good to know!
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Count Craigslist is certain the night of passion will lead to an offspring on a Jaden Smith-level of evolution, writing:
“When totality occurs, we will have simultaneous orgasms and we will conceive a child that will be on the next level of human evolution.”
While the exact location is TBD, the man has already done extensive calculations for the ideal celestial conception:
“We will make love together, with me and my penis directed towards the sun. Everything will be aligned in the local universe. Both of our cosmic orgasmic energy will be aligned with the planets.”
In addition to an understanding of universal knowledge, he has some other specific requirements:
“You must like cats. Drugs are OK. Nitrous Oxide while we climax and experience totality and conception, is OK with me.”
A night of cats, drugs, and eclipse sex might sound like a dream to some — but sadly, the post has already been flagged for removal.
Let’s hope Count Craigslist got in touch with a worthy partner before it was too late. A nice local witch, maybe.
See the full post (below)!
[Image via Lionsgate Films.]
Tags: drugs, sex, tacky and true, wacky